On the 4th of July and the power of 'thank you'

Happy Monday! (I know..that’s kind of like that f*ckn stupid commercial that tells us to have a “happy period” Ugh!)

I hope everyone’s 4th was fun- and safe! I saw relatively few fireworks this year due to my location being- well- the middle of nowhere. (Those I did see were let off by us and I think there were about 5 total.)
However, it may just have been the best 4th of July I have ever experienced! It was simply a family and friends cookout at Carla’s, but it felt like I would imagine Woodstock must have...although much more low-key and less a few thousand people. But we had the basic components- love, music, a tent- even nudity- (well, she is 2 and just couldn’t seem to keep her clothes on but anyway...)

The evening ended with the hardier partiers around a dwindling bonfire, passing the last beer and idle conversation and my heart was as full as my belly and head. I know that I have always been abundant- even in the leanest times- because I have always had plenty of people who love me and more than enough of what I need (from the short list at least.) But in those soft moments before the night ended, I felt more overwhelmed by gratitude than I had in a long while.

I was sharing these feelings with Sara the following day and I realized then that there is a necessary evil element in gratitude: fear. In thanking the universe for the many blessings of my day- and life- that night in front of the fire, I had a nagging- though faint- simultaneous fear of losing them.

Maybe that is why it is so easy to take things for granted- to accept things as trite rather than as gifts- Because recognizing them as such means taking responsibility for them and accepting the possibility of not being able to have them tomorrow. But- the way I see it- to truly and fully enjoy life- and ALL its blessings- one must take the time to say thank you. To God, Goddess, The Universe, Buddha, Jesus, your parents, whomever you feel like recognizing as the one whom has helped to fill your life and heart.

It sounds simple, maybe silly, but I know that the more I say those 2 words- the more I close my eyes and embrace the moment and the love I feel in it- the more that seems to blossom into fruition for me. I’m convinced that while I am opening myself up to allow appreciation to pour forth, there happens a concurrent and equal flow of new fuel coming in- new gifts to embrace and use to help others in whatever way possible.

Sure there are wrenches that get thrown in periodically- sometimes a few at a time- and there always will be. They come to remind us of our mortality and the mortality of everything that is given to us. They are the things that test our strength and give us a point of reference when we need to give advice or make a decision for ourselves. But they aren’t- or shouldn’t be- what defines us. “Set your course by the starts, not by the lights of every passing ship.” Let all those blessings define you- family, friends, food to eat, a healthy body to perform all the functions you ask of it, whether it is a fun new car or a blazing fire and the people you love around it, it doesn’t matter. Let them fill you up so you may help to fill another. Then, somewhere in there, the fear gives way to abundance.

xoxo lisa

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” William Arthur Ward

Love, 2008

"The show makes the relationship stronger because of the fact that you've been through so much together," she says. "It happens so fast and you go through all these emotional roller coasters, so whoever is the last person standing means a lot to me because we've already gone through a lot." ~Tila Tequila

Seriously? Most of time, if I watch Tila's MTV reality hit, it's for the same reason I slow down when I pass an accident- to watch for carnage and hope for shock value and a topic for my friends and I to chew on over cocktails. It certainly isn't in hopes of witnessing the blossoming of true love and devotion. And I have a feeling that the real reality of it is, that Tila participates in the show for much the same reason. She doesn't have to admit that- that's fine- but to go and make a statement like the one above makes my eyes roll just about right out of my head! Does she really believe that a good foundation for a real relationship is a set created for a half-cocked reality drama (no pun intended)?

I suppose by saying she will have "already gone through a lot" with the chosen 'character,' she means having to endure numerous juvenile cat-dog fights between stereotypical Jersey boys and feisty lesbians and difficult tasks such as choosing a winner in a mud-wrestling or other battle of the sexes- appropriately named a 'bi-athalon'- contest. Meanwhile, poor Ms. Tequila can't make up her mind- not just among several possible mates, but even between male or female. I may be able to understand her attraction to both, but to have one of each draped over your lap within the same hour? No, I'm sorry- you're a car wreck.

According to season 1 winner, Bobby, Tila never contacted him after the show's taping. I guess their shared victory over said trials and tribulations just wasn't enough to shoulder the level of respect she needed to have for him. Another guess? MTV promised double the salary in exchange for a second season.

xoxox lisa

"Television is an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home." ~ Sir David Paradine Frost

Miley, Cha Cha DiGregorio, and the big fish (one from myspace, 4/29/08)

Miley, Cha Cha DiGregorio, and the Big Fish

(4/29/08; edited 9/25/13)

The media is frantic over this delicious, new Miley Cyrus controversy – if you haven't heard, just turn on the TV, radio, or computer – and is currently spewing it like a bottle of just-popped-champagne all over party guests. Somewhere, the Editor-in-chief of Vanity Fair Magazine is holding up that photo of Ms. Cyrus, dancing and waving it around like Cha Cha DiGregorio with the winning trophy in Grease. You know: "The best dancer at St. Bernadette's."

Anyway, beneath the candy-coated media hype, there is a valid underlying issue here. It's the same issue that my sister is dissecting for my step-niece, whose mother recently enrolled in a beauty – er – scholarship pageant… then self-tanned her, highlighted her hair, painted her face, and showed her how to smile and wave as to emphasize her sportswear outfit. She's 8.

No, the issue is not that there are kiddie-pageants or half-nude pop idols in magazines or even that some members of Miley's predominately prepubescent female fan-base may one day turn playmates due to her graphic photos. Thing is, I doubt they have to flip through Vanity Fair to see a barely-dressed woman – or girl. Really, who cares if Miley is a virgin or if she is fucking each and every Jonas brother? There are many more millionaire divas out there who sell sexy to our youth, even if Miley won’t. Your daughter is watching them, too.

The issue isn't that it's there – the issue is that it's everywhere. It's the pervasive notion that Sexy is the Holy Grail of femininity. In this case, though, the value is not in beauty or sexiness itself. Rather, it’s in the things that we perceive beauty to yield – Fame and fortune with relatively little effort. Desire. Goodness. Respect. Love.

Most girls will not grow up to be models, actresses, or singers – industries in which women have a certain work-related obligation to uphold an image. However, the byproduct of years of chasing that same image will linger in the girl that grew up to be a doctor, a teacher, a chef, a mother, or any one of the numerous other roles that women fill outside the peripheries of media. That byproduct is insecurity, and it can manifest in a variety of ways: for some, in a  quest to adopt certain looks or behaviors; others will silently withdraw, hating women or just themselves.

Who do we blame? Isn’t that what we want: someone to point to and condemn? When you get down to it, we are all guilty of perpetuating the cycle. We all buy into it in one way or another. What can we do about it? I don't know… "Blow up your TV. Throw away your paper. Go to the country – build you a home. Plant a little garden. Eat a lot of peaches. Try and find Jesus on your own." Well, that's one answer – and, believe me, I've thought about it. This is a problem that I find unintelligible because it’s simply too close. I am, after all, a woman. 

As for Miley – and maybe that even younger looking model hanging 10-feet tall in the window of the Abercrombie store as well – there is truth in the cliché: money talks. The only reason it's there, is because on some level you, me, all of us pay for it. Vanity Fair's website literally crashed yesterday due to millions of hungry consumers looking to gobble up the day's juicy gossip. I'm sure the hard-copies are being snatched up also. Opinions are like dollars—everybody's got one. If your opinion is that a 15-year-old shouldn't be used in a sexually explicit way to sell magazines, than use yours wisely and don't buy it. My opinion is that we have a bigger fish to fry.

xo, Lisa

"What a strange illusion it is to suppose that beauty is goodness." Leo Tolstoy

Where You Will Find Me

I am slightly asleep here, dreaming out loud
and I commit to finding others like us.
I construct a frame and draw back like tide
seeking a reference to store, but I give up.
For I must value the face of it-
that beauty exists in abundance
that love lives in a grain of sand-
But ours must be one drawn up by the sea
for we are now part of the greater.
We are not merely packed among others
but floating, traveling, spanning distances
not relative to time, not explained in theory,
even yet to be witnessed for the vastness in this place.
Carry me now to the bottom where we shall lie down-
the world above will ebb and flow
and continue in and out of consequence
and we will become a part
and still, apart
xoxox lisa
"In love the paradox occurs that two beings become one and yet remain two." Erich Fromm

Welcome!

Well, I'm not sure if I should be the welcomed or the welcoming but- either way- Welcome! I'm excited to have a true blog now set up (everything previous to this has been posted only on myspace) and my hope is to share more to more. My plan is to move some of my blogs from myspace over here and then to begin solely using blogger.com. (If you are one of my myspace readers and find this a nuisance, just let me know and I will continue to use both) From what I know of Blogger, you are able to subscribe to a blog just as you can on myspace so...shouldn't be too big a deal. Write ya soon! xoxox lisa



Set your course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship. ~Omar N. Bradley